Veggie tales at Iggy's

I rolled my eyes in disgust when Greg and Brady suggested that we go to Iggy's Sports Grill. We've been there plenty of times before, and there's really not a lot for those with, shall we say, more delicate and refined palates. But being the good sport that I am, finally acquiesced. Iggy's menu is filled with all manner of fatty and unhealthy choices and so naturally I took my time deciding what to order. These things can't be rushed.

I eventually chose the PTLP (Pickle, Tomato and Lettuce Pile) for $8.95. It's a bit more substantial than what I'd normally order and I almost went for the Bark and Air-foam salad, but then I thought, "Why not? It's a Friday!" I'd already pecked at half a wheat germ doughnut with pink hummus glaze for breakfast, but was determined not to let that gross lapse in diet consciousness ruin the whole day. The PTLP was nearly too large to finish (take a gander at the picture and you'll know why), but was delicious. Whenever I'm torn between two menu selections, I just ask myself "What would Karen Carpenter order?" Since the answer to that question is invariably "Nothing, she's dead," I then ask myself: "What would the 9-year-old daughter of militant vegans order?" That usually does the trick.

I could only shake my head as both Greg and Brady scarfed down All-American bacon cheeseburgers. With the way they eat, they'd better both be well on their way to building piano-sized coffins. Well, Greg at least; I'm pretty certain Brady has a tape worm. SuperScrunch, on the other hand, followed my lead and opted for the Partially Reconstituted Mound of Cud. I'll let him offer his own thoughts on the meal, but all I can say is: MMMmmmmmmm.

Lady-up possibilities: 3 (Not a lot of options.)

Food quality: 8

Service: 5 (We hardly saw the server until it was check time).

Overall: 7

Quotes of the day:

"Wow, look, there's a twig in my cud!" RESPONSE: "Lucky bugger!"

"That parking spot wasn't there before. I'm pretty sure we just crossed into another dimension."

"We'll sit down as soon as you remove 'cackling lady.'"

"Is today opposite day?" RESPONSE: "Yes. Wait, no."

– Wingnut

Cheesy, french-fried manna from heaven

 

 

When the time came to decide where we should go for lunch, I immediately pleaded for somewhere manly. Or anywhere I could sit down in front of a burger. I guess that's probably redundant. Then it came to me: cheese fries. There's nothing quite as masculine as a plate full of french-fried potatoes smothered in cheddar cheese. Unless, of course, you add bacon. Hello, Training Table, are you listening?

So, yes, I suggested we go to the Training Table. You should have seen Chuckles' face when I recommended the place. It was like I offered to pop a cap in his geriatric shih tzu, gangsta-style (something that actually happened at lunch, by the way ... not the actual shooting, mind you, just the suggestion. Or perhaps the implication of a suggestion. I am an animal lover and would never do or say such a thing. So you Peta people can call off the dogs, er, whatever you would sic on someone you wanted to take down. I'm guessing you wouldn't use dogs because that would be cruel. A pack of wild stuffed animals?). Anyway, Chuck didn't look excited. It turns out later that he was perfectly happy to go to Training Table, and why wouldn't he? The place has cheese fries, for cryin' out loud.

As you can probably guess, I ordered a chili burger. It's just about the only thing on the menu I can order without altering in some way. The burger was scrumptious as usual and the cheese fries were, well, themselves, which is fine by me for just about any meal of the day on any day of the year, Thanksgiving included. Three of us shared one full-size order of cheese fries and one of the GPaK crew preferred his fries "sans fromage," a French phrase which literally means "wearing a skirt." I'll let the readers figure out which of us manned-down on that one.

Anyone who has ever been to Training Table knows that you don't go to the place for ambience, unless you're into 1980s decor. Being there feels like you're an extra in "Hot Tub Time Machine," a movie which I haven't seen yet and looks equal parts stupid, poorly acted and awesome. All I can say is that the inside of Training Table is not as hideous as a Fuddrucker's.

Man-up possibilities: 9
Food quality: 8
Service: Incomplete (They did happily split our check four ways, which was preceded by a five minute argument about how the check was going to work. Then someone had the AMAZING idea to just ask the gal on the phone. For those who don't know, you order your meal on a little phone next to each table.)
Overall: 9

No one bothered to write down quotes, so the following might or might not have actually been uttered:

"She's not a dog, she's the devil." ... NOT said by Chuck.
"Sounds like he's shaking it." ... Reference to the sound of loud drops of water landing on the roof of Wingnut's vehicle. Draw your own conclusions.
"I'm not going to pretend to close the door on your head."

"Fist bump?" Followed by actual fist bump. "Ouch!"

"Who here hates Brady? All in favor?" ... For the record, the vote was 2-2.

"How's your hammy?"