A Crown for the real burger king

Writer’s note: This column has been correlated by Greg Kratz. For those of you not familiar with the correlation process at the DNews, all Church News content has to be approved by the good folks across the street. To give you an idea of how raunchy the lunch was, Greg insisted on correlating today’s review. ... Though to be fair, I usually ask Greg to copy edit my work, just not censor it.

Editor's note: Wingnut needs a fair amount of editing. And if you've ever met him, you would agree that he needs a fair amount of censoring. But happily, I did not need to do much of either to this review. Have a nice day.

Mission of the day: Three of us would eat for six. Now that’s manning up.

So with that in mind, half of the GPaK crew decided to return to an old but delicious standby: Crown Burgers. And oddly enough, we haven’t reviewed it since the inception of this blog.

I told GPaK Thursday that I was craving something kinda nasty (for lunch), so a sloppy burger was the perfect cure.

After visiting our accounting department earlier in the morning, my friend Brent told me to try the house specialty, the Crown Burger.

Now I’m a creature of habit when it comes to restaurants that I frequent, but I made a last-minute change from my usually yummy bacon cheeseburger to the Crown.

This is a meat-lover's burger with a generous-sized patty stacked an inch high with pastrami. The wonderful creation was topped off with a thick slide of cheddar cheese, fresh lettuce and a juicy tomato slice.

I might be in love .... with this burger. And I would have thought topping their bacon cheeseburger would have been impossible. The only thing I might change on the Crown would be the sauce. It’s very tasty, but does make the bun a little too soggy. And I could do with a few less calories ... but who the hell am I kidding! The Crown was damn amazing. (Tasty tip: Turn the Crown upside down so the yummy pastrami is the first thing to hit your taste buds.)

Brady also manned-up with their chili dog and a man-size order of onion rings. And I loved Brady’s way of eating the meal — an onion ring with every bite of dog. He did leave a few rings on his tray, so he might not have completely manned-up. ... He has always eaten like a bird, so you can be the judge.

And rounding out the trio, GPaK enjoyed the ever-popular bacon cheeseburger with a huge order of fries that were hot with just the right amount of salt (the key to good fries).

Food Quality: 9.5
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 8
Man-up possibilities: 10
Overall: 9.5

As a bonus to the review, here are some of the outtakes from today’s lunch conversation. For your entertainment, you can try to match up the names of GPaK, Wingnut and Brady to each of the quotes.

“Don't make me pull out my belly and shake it at you.”
“Could you lay off the belly comments?”
“You are kind of like SuperScrunch.”
“I probably shouldn't yell, ‘I need it!' to Chuck across the room.”
“You want me to take a picture of you taking a bite out of your big wiener?”
“That was just alarming.”
“Rings on the dog.” (a Michael Vick reference)
“Where did you pull that out of?” RESPONSE: “I think you know where!”
“I have the velvet jumpsuit on under this.”
“I’m pretty sure I've never set foot inside a Utah booby bar. ... I know that's pretty surprising.”

— Wingnut (with an assist from GPaK)