Friday, October 9, 2009

This one goes to 11









I never thought I would have to admit this, but here goes: I have been defeated.

In the ongoing saga of the GPaK crew — celebrating today its 20th review — I have faced many large, manned-up meals. And I've eaten them all.

Until today.

We visited Grove Market and Deli on Big Red's suggestion. He told us on the way that the sandwiches would be "as big as your head." I didn't believe that would literally be true.

As we stood in line in the "market" part of the space, waiting to order, I could see the workers preparing huge sandwiches, but I remained undeterred. "Harrumph," I thought. "No mere sandwich can defeat my prodigious eating abilities. I shall order the meatball, and I shall triumph."

Such hubris. Such humiliation.

When my sandwich was ready, it was wrapped in foil. It was all I could do to lift the bundle, and by the time I got to the checkout, my arm was tired. Big Red commented that I was cradling it like a baby, and truthfully, I'm sure it weighed more than my second daughter did when she was born (six weeks early, at 3 pounds — but still!). When I got it back to the table and unwrapped it, I was flabbergasted. The thing was HUGE! On a man-up scale of 1 to 10, we decided, Grove Market rates an 11.

I wasn't really sure how to begin attacking the sandwich, so I just dove in. I ate the first half by hand, letting the gooey marinara sauce drip down my fingers. The meatballs were excellent, firm but tender, and tasty. The sauce was ample and mildly seasoned, and the cheese was nicely melted. With all of that sauce, the bread couldn't help but get a bit soggy, but it still had a nice flavor. I was delighted.

Then the first half was done, and I still had a huge amount of sandwich left to eat. That's when Scrunch threw down the challenge, daring me to eat the rest. I grabbed knife and fork and did my best. I managed to get down all of the meatballs, barely. The last one required serious effort. But I didn't even come close to eating all of the bread.

I rolled myself back to Brady's vehicle, somehow managed to squeeze inside and tried not to lose any of my lunch on the ride back to the office. Was I stuffed? Yes. Would I recommend Grove to others? Absolutely.

Good food. Amazing portions. And today, an opportunity to man up with the GPaK crew for our 20th anniversary blog posting. Good times. Good times, indeed.

Man-up possibilities: 11
Food quality: 9
Service: 7.5 (it takes awhile to order, but it's worth the wait)
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 8.5
Overall: 9

— GPaK

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: some quotes from today's excursion:

"I'm going to crash."
"The mojo is back."
"It will be like two hours before we get there."
"I like parade speed."
"That was post-F-bomb."
"I like pink on some things."
"I'm pretty sure I ate a human hand."
"I assume there's a hot dog under there."
"I'm laying odds you've got the best chance of yakking."
"Tonight I'll be OK. Tomorrow is the danger zone."
"I might not make it to 3 p.m."
"That was moist. I think you got something on the dash. It had chunks."
"Hold it in. I don't care if you rupture something."

12 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. there are many superlatives. few do the job. here are some:

    epic. mammoth. heroic.

    grove's market (and deli) is a landmark in the south central city neighborhood of side streets named after dead presidents. there's van buren, truman, andrew, harrison. and grove. derivative of grover cleveland? maybe. or not.

    doesn't matter. just go to 19th south (near backside of o.c. tanner) along main, and there 'tis.

    this area was my hood many chapters, years, lifetimes ago. the market itself is truly that: you want olives? fresh produce? fine condiments? cheese? baked goods? beverages? smokes? yep. and sandwiches. holy FAT cow, are there sandwiches.

    confession: i knew how large these were, having obviously previously gained pounds from the place. so i was not quite truthful to the crew, but some things you have to experience without any idea or previous conception.

    i had pastrami. with everything. look at the photos. that's all that needs to be said.

    happy 20th, crew.

    Man-up possibilities: 11 (yep)
    Food quality: 9.5
    Service: 9 (it takes awhile to order, but it's worth the wait; and, the staff is friendly and competent)
    Fizz-o-meter of Coke: i had an arizona iced tea
    Overall: 10

    -big.red

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  3. Wow, 20 restaurants, 20 reviews! Have to say that this blog has evolved into a little more than I could have imagined. The mojo was definitely back today and the Crew came through with extremely solid laughs, mucho meat and even a lesson in espanol. Thanks, Big Red.

    The Grove truly offers epic opportunities for manning up. Me, the little guy of the bunch, knew not to go the route of the large sandwich (or a full as they are probably better referenced). I stood in line (checking out boxes of cereal and cookies) long enough to see over the counter that it would not be possible for me to even attempt what amounts to a full-sized sandwich.

    Seriously, these things are enormous, and I only hope the photos do it justice.

    I went with the half-sized BLT. Though not the bacon expert of one Brady or GPaK I can tell you that they lay it on thick at the Grove. I chased this pint-sized portion with a solid bottle of watery water and topped it off with an Oatmeal/Raisin cooking staring at me at the cash register. Not sure what bakery they import these bad boys from but they were a nice sweet treat to follow your meal.

    One tip for those planning on a pit stop during lunch. This small joint doesn't have public restrooms. A nice bottle of anti-bacterial gel sits on the counter, but you'll have to ask one of the neighbors if nature truly calls.

    Oh and because the Grove only offers outside dining, be sure to pick a sunny day. To go orders would work well too.

    Man-up possibilities: 11 (I watched GPaK take it to the next level)
    Food quality: 9
    Service: 8.5
    Water: watery
    Overall: 9

    —SuperScrunch

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  4. Hmmmm. It's three o'clock. I wonder where GPak is ... offloading meatballs maybe?

    I also tried my best to man-up at Grove Market by ordering the "deli favorite" Deluxe. And I knew I was in trouble when the cashier suggested I take a to-go box with me even though I was dinning there. I brushed it off. Who does he think he's talking to?

    This beast of a sandwich consisted of ham and turkey in multiple layers, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and Swiss cheese. It was finished off with mustard and what I had hoped was a "touch" of mayo. Judging by how big they make things at Grove and the portion sizes, I'd hate to see how much mayo they would have slapped on my sandwich had I not asked to go light. All piled on a huge hoagie loaf of bread. Seriously, it was that big!

    But light was not the operative word for this monstrosity meal, which meant there was no room for chips or the cookies that were tempting me at the cash register.

    My Deluxe was deluxiuos (is that a word?....it is now). What a way to enjoy our 20th lunch review.

    I did my best to destroy the Deluxe, but ultimately came up short. But I walked away (almost had to be rolled) from our al fresco picnic table holding my head high. I just wish I hadn't had those last two hot peppers, which just about sent me over the edge (see quotes about a dashboard).

    Big Red, who recommended Grove Market, was right on the money once again with this place. He only led me astray by not suggesting I get the half sandwich, which was his size choice (no surprise for Pinky!).

    I loved Grove Market!!!

    Man-up possibilities: Off the charts - 11plus !
    Food quality: 9
    Service: 9 (long lines but quick meal prep)
    Overall: 10

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  5. I feel I must correct Wingnut's comment on one point.

    At 3 p.m., I was getting a flu shot. Then I was far too busy to offload anything until just now, about 6 p.m. Not that I wanted to wait, but I had no choice.

    Sorry to correct you, Wingnut, but I'm very big on accuracy.

    Also, I should note that Wingnut was offloading some of his lunch within 30 minutes of our return to the building. Yes, he is my hero.

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  6. Sorry I am so late in posting, but it took me quite a while to take my skirt off and put my pants back on. I'm embarrassed to say that today, in the battle of man vs. food, woman lost.

    Confused? Read on.

    On Friday, I manned up with the Grove Market's chili dog, a delicious monstrosity consisting of a giant bun slathered with cheese and two massive hot dogs, then absolutely smothered with hearty beef-and-bean chili. My guess is that it weighed in at around three pounds. See the picture above; it was ridiculous.

    But as high as I aimed, I failed in the worst and most humiliating way, only managing to eat half of my meal.

    I entered the odd confines of the Grove Market as a man in his early 40s. I left as a freckle-faced, pig-tail wearing 8-year-old girl. For that, I apologize to the GPak Crew and the rest of mankind.

    Man-up possibilities: Eleventy
    Food quality: 9
    Service: 8
    Overall: 9

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  7. Who would have thought that something "near the backside of OC Tanner" would sound so delicious?

    I may have to journey over there for an official visit. You have inspired me. Happy 20th!

    One question: if a girl (like moi) goes to the Grove and eats, like, most of her food, has she manned up or what?

    Mammaried up?

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  8. Hah! You have definitely coined a new phrase. I suggest you use "mammaried up" in your next review.

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  9. I doubt it would get through the censors. Remember, she tried to use "manned up" once, and it got edited out.

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  10. [Shakes fist at The Man, who is trying to hold down free expression]

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  11. "mammaried up." that one would be approved. if'n it were up to me. which it probably isn't. for obvious good reason and taste.

    to answer your query, ms. colloquist: there were as many chicas having lunch (or ordering take-out) as there were dudes when we went to grove. you would be embraced with open arms (to keep the comedy thread going here).

    brady: pigtails? you had to go there?

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  12. Pippi Longstocking would have been proud.

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