Friday, December 4, 2009

the coachmans special (no apostrophe needed. really.)















walking into the coachmans dinner & pancake house in downtown salt lake for lunch is like peering into my past, circa 1986. back then, i was a punk-ass line-cook at the provo location, a restaurant owned by kind russians, waited by saucy female staff and food prepared by even more sauced cooks (which helped make it run like a well-oiled machine).

pretty sure the provo location has changed menus, owners and clientele several times over the years. thank heavens salt lake hasn't changed a thing. right down the wait staff.

certainly the decor hasn't changed in 23 years. there's still the red-crushed, total kitch velvety motif, which only adds to the true down-home, americana diner and cafe feel. and of course, the menu hasn't changed in two decades.

nor has the clientele. check your pretension at the door, please. and that's a good thing. there are suit and ties, cute blue-haired couples with their favorite booth, guys in flannel swilling cups of joe, and the occasional 'neck couple grinding with matching camo trucker hats. again, all good.

so is the food, to get back on topic. coachmans has always been about great, comfort food meals with decent portions and value-priced. breakfast is the hit of the day, any time of day. lunch is what you would expect. and hell, they are the only place i know of that touts TROUT in all caps outside along 1300 south. and CHOPS, too.

while my mates went the breakfast route i went with, of course, the coachmans special. why is it special? who else serves a pastrami sandwich with one-thousand island dressing? no one, that's who. not 1,000; it's one-thousand. big difference.

the rosette roll, the dressing, the fresh tomato and the pastrami all come together in the tried-and-true familiar taste of coachmans. served with fries, this is a great lunch.

breakfast looked awesome, as well. i admit i nearly had regrets not going with the others and the heart-healthy slabs of bacon. and shortstacks. and syrup. wow.

our server was stellar (we never got her name — maybe stella?). i lost count of how many times she refilled our coffee, but safe to say i never saw a half-empty cup the entire hour we were there. and the food also came quickly for a table of seven dudes.

the old adage is true: the more things change ... oh wait, one thing has changed. the cigarette machines up front in the lobby now vend wrigley's, snickers and tic-tacs. who'da thunk.

oh, and bill and nada's was also mentioned at lunch. must've been the environs.

man-up possibilities: 10 (bacon; large portions)
food quality: 8.5
fizz-o-meter of coke: i had coffee. it was really good.
service: 11
overall: 9.5

quotes o' day (the extended, remix, 12" version):

we should blog the rescue mission lunch.

did he weave his own seat belts out of twine?

there should be a class on how to cheat. tiger would pay for that.

that was a long time ago. you were 8, i think.

can i grab you guys some tasty beverages?

everyone's setting up their friday night at the escort service there.

i'm not the one eating it, just as long you're the one satisfied.

i got kicked out of spencer's gifts when i was 9.

i thought you said camel.

it's made from the ends of the roasts ... and old dirty mop heads.

she'll do 'em if they're local ... what about in-n-out?

ah, the old in-and-out.

brady doesn't need to know what a computer is.

does that do square root?

we're getting kicked out.

— big.red

8 comments:

  1. ahhh... Coachman's. Having lived in SLC for a little over 11 years now, it's safe to say I've dined at this fine throwback probably close to more than any other place in the valley.

    What I've ordered over the years though hasn't changed all that much. My first time at Coachman's, french toast as a stand alone went for either $3.75 or $4.25. Either way, it's still under $5 at $4.75 11 years later. That said, I upped the ante a bit this time by going with the Breakfast special ($5.75) which gave me four slices of french toast, a few eggs and a thick piece of sausage (not the skinny kind you'll find at some chain restaurant).

    With three choices of syrup (maple, apricot and strawberry — apricot for me), coffee that doesn't need cream or sugar and watery water, this bargain of a restaurant never gets old and this visit was about as good as it can get.

    Waitress number 17 (that's what our ticket said), as Big Red noted, was very much on top of her game. You couldn't ask for better service. Coachman's is HIGHLY recommended and the GPaK crew will definitely be back.

    man-up possibilities: 10 (Chuck almost double ordered)
    food quality: 9
    water: watery (coffee pretty solid, too)
    service: 10
    overall: 9.5

    And now SuperScrunch's word of the week:
    Scuttle (skuht-l)
    –noun
    1.Nautical.
    a.a small hatch or port in the deck, side, or bottom of a vessel.
    b.a cover for this.
    2.a small hatchlike opening in a roof or ceiling.
    –verb (used with object)
    3.to sink (a vessel) deliberately by opening seacocks or making openings in the bottom.
    4.to abandon, withdraw from, or cause to be abandoned or destroyed (as plans, hopes, rumors, etc.)

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  2. I'm not sure how old I was when I first ate at Coachmans, but I couldn't have been more than 10. So it was at least 30 years ago. The all-day breakfast was pretty special then and it still is today.

    Coachmans is decorated like the set of a 1970s style porn set, with its scarlet velvetine panel trim and garish lighting. Look close and you'll see Christmas lights hung inside – year-round. Classy, eh? It's all part of the cash-only experience. That's right, folks, no plastic allowed. The Crew even had to break tradition and discuss lunch plans early this week to make sure everyone came packing (money, that is).

    I ordered the bacon and eggs with pancakes and that's a lot of food for $6.75. The thick slabs of bacon were cooked perfectly and also come with country fried potatoes which, though a little salty, were awfully tasty. My water was especially delicious as well. Coachmans has some of the best pancakes in town: fairly dense, but with a nice fluffy texture. Just the way I like 'em.

    If you like funky Starsky and Hutch atmosphere and great breakfast food any time of the day, you'll like Coachmans.

    Man-up possibilities: 10
    Food quality: 9
    Service: 10
    Overall: 9.75

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  3. Unlike Brady, I know exactly how old I was the first time I went to Coachmans. I was 40.

    That's right, my first time (at Coachmans) was with Brady just a couple of months ago. I remember being a little nervous about visiting a cash-only establishment. It seems like, if they'll only accept cash, they're probably fixing to pull up stakes (or, perhaps, steaks) and leave at the first sign of Feds storming the joint. But as I discovered those few weeks ago, and confirmed today, it's worth a trip to the ATM — and the chance of getting caught in the crossfire — to partake of Coachmans' excellent vittles.

    Today, I had exactly the same meal Brady had. But please note that I ordered first, and he copied me. Yes, he lacks originality, but we forgive him, because he's a veritable cornucopia of quotes. Would that be, perhaps, a quotocopia? Yes, I think it would.

    Anyway, Brady's review of the meal was right on. Everything was delicious. My only quibble is that they serve Pepsi products instead of Coke products. Come on, people. Get with the program!

    Still, as I left with memories of savory bacon, sweet syrup and hearty potatoes running through my mind, I suggested that, instead of reviewing different restaurants every Friday, we should just review Coachmans every week. What do you think, fellas? Good idea?

    Man-up possibilities: 10
    Food quality: 9
    Service: 9.5
    Fizz-o-meter of Coke: NA (D'oh!)
    Overall: 9

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  4. ha! coachmans every week? are you mad? are you evil? are you genuis? i don't think i could relive that much of the '80s! unless we went off with '80s movies quotes:

    "So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?"

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  5. "Me a FOOL???"
    "John Big Booty!"
    "It's beeg-boo-TAY."

    Too obscure? It's one of MY favorite '80s movies.

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  6. had this not reappeared in the 1-3 a.m. timeslot on showtime the other night, you'da stumped me. long live banzai. in 8 dimensions no less!

    what other film launched the careers of christopher lloyd (ok, taxi was first), jon lithgow (who is also presently on showtime...dexter...wow. wait, there was footloose), jeff goldblum (ok, for him it was big chill), and of course, robocop!

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  7. “The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?“

    Was that Marty McFly and Doc Brown driving with me in my new Delorian-Tahoe hybrid to Friday’s GPak lunch? Wow...a jump back in time.

    Step into the Coachman and you might think Richard Nixon was still the president, but that didn’t affect how thick and crispy my bacon was. Or how fluffy the scrambled eggs were. And theFrench toast was cooked perfectly with a slight crunch.

    Do I need to say anything else?

    SuperScrunch’s midweek suggestion was spot-on. This breakfast-for-lunch idea at the ‘70s-era Coachmans was outstanding.

    It was so good that there was a suggestion by several GPaK members that we make this place a regular stop.

    As dedicated patrons of Coachmans already know, they only accept cash...hence we had to plan out our Friday lunch at midweek.

    Even though the decor isn’t quite my style, the food is.

    Only eight blocks away from our downtown Salt Lake office..I highly recommend Coachmans...and you might be thinking “We don't have enough road to get up to 88.”

    As Dos says, “Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.”

    Man-up possibilities :10

    Food Quality: 9

    Service: 9

    Overall: 9.5

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