A very special episode of GPaK

Today was dubbed SuperScrunch's special day, so we decided to let him pick the lunch destination. He "opted" for Martine, a downtown cafe and tapas joint we've all frequented many times over the years but have yet to review.

We usually like to go there when it's cold outside and we don't feel like traveling. When someone says a place is within walking distance, the span between our office and Martine's front door is usually what I have in mind. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to lunch, I don't want a Pioneer Trek slyly inserted into the middle of the journey there. Ask my wife about Pioneer Trek one time if you like hair-raising stories involving the plucking of live chickens. Or maybe dead, I can't remember.

Anyway, because Wingnut was feeling extra gimpy today, the seating on the upper floor (which most of us prefer, well, the important ones anyway) was out of bounds. Our server seated us well away from the windows and I got to sit on a comfy couch, which was good because I'm old, ornery and have been just generally out of sorts today. I ordered a full-size pastrami sandwich and upgraded my side to the French onion soup, which is always excellent except for the piece of bread they stuff down into the bottom of the bowl. It's probably just me, but eating a soggy slice of wheat bread is just not appealing. I must be recovering from the past two weeks, because I essentially finished my meal. The debris in my soup bowl doesn't count.

Martine doesn't have the most expansive of lunch menus but it's filled with well crafted sandwiches, tasty salads (so I've heard) and a pretty fair burger. Even the bacon veggie quiche is very good. According to the eatery's Web site, the Zagat Survey said Martine has the "best, most unique and innovative cooking in town,' plus there's an 'imaginative wine list' to boot." I can't vouch for the wine list, but ... aw hell, I can't vouch for any of it. Martine's good, but not great.

I'm kind of interested to see what the photos of our outing will look like since Wingnut was the assigned photographer and seemed intent on getting some "artsy" shots for the blog. He about took a swing at me when I prematurely tried to take a straw for my beverage (he was lining up a top-down shot of the straws as they fanned out in a small glass). He's a weirdy, I know.

Probably the highlight of the meal was Jon's riveting account of a congenital deformity, of which I will not speak of in this forum. Needless to say, the revealing of the malady got my imagination revving into high gear, trying to think up a bunch of "what if this happened?" scenarios. Unfortunately, the illness turned out to be nothing to write home about, as abnormalities go. Ah, well. There's always next week.

Man-up possibilities: 6 (eating two salads doesn't count, Chuck)
Food quality: 8
Service: 8
Overall: 7

Quotes of the day:
I hate these pants. I'm gonna take them off.
He totally p***ed out. There was a trail of urine leading out.
Me and 35-cent. We're tight.
You're rich in blessings.
I just work at the paper. I don't read it.
Do we need one of those silver umbrellas? We can just use your hair.
You were comparing your salad to my quiche.
I didn't know Jonny was a bleeder.

The extinct bird

So I thought I had a great idea today. The Dodo, a restaurant the GPaK — pre-blog days — has visited a few times, seemed like a great spot to kick off the next 20 reviews. We departed the News building and utilized TRAX to get to The Gateway. I was looking forward to raving about the turkey sandwich The Dodo serves. Upon exiting at our TRAX stop, the excitement turned to disappointment as the building once occupied by The Dodo sat empty. So while trying to pay a visit to an extinct bird, we learned the restaurant, too, (at least this location) was flightless.

And while second choices often work out for the better, I'm not certain that this second choice conquered what would have been a great meal.

With several choices at our disposal, we opted for a knock-off of the previously reviewed Cafe Rio called Costa Vida. Upon entering, it was noted by GPaK that Costa Vida seemed to inherit the line that one expects at Cafe Rio. That said, the wait was fairly short and we made it to the front of the line within 5 minutes.

I opted for the sweet pork burrito for $6.49 and, as usual, I elected to skip the "smothered" option that every burrito maker loves to talk you into. I sense that it's almost a shock to their system when I tell them no, but this guy went with my answer and sent the burrito through the conveyor belt for a little extra heat. The burrito burst at the seams while taking on a few degrees of temperature, and to their credit Costa Vida was not happy with what happened to the burrito during its short life. They happily constructed me a new one, and the end result probably tasted the same but made for a better photograph (see above).

The burrito itself was a solid meal. The pork was sweet and full of flavor, but I felt the tortilla was a little on the dry side. I always opt to go without the smothered option because I feel the extra sauce and cheese overpowers the true flavor of the pork. This may be the only time I ever say this, but this was the one time where enchilada style might have been better. The tortilla just lacked enough moisture to let me enjoy the flavorful meat. It wasn't bad, just a little off and left me wishing for the manned-up version of this bad boy.

In typical SuperScrunch fashion, I opted for water to chase my meal. It was in a word, watery, and I went with a refill for our walk back to the TRAX station.

For a mid-October day, it was about as nice as one could imagine, so we opted for outdoor dining. I'm guessing my counterparts will expand upon what turned into a little cooker.

Man-up possibilities: 9
Food quality: 7
Service: 8 (friendly enough, and they remade my burrito)
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 8 (via GPaK)
Water: watery
Overall: 7.5 (this went down an extra notch for a lack of post-meal mints — a favorite of some members of the Crew)

Quotes of the day...

"You could just log in as Ron Jeremy, and they're not going to know."
"You get to come down here to the mall and watch women in tall boots walk by."
"Is that like codpiece?"
"Greg, will you lean about 2 feet higher?"
"My head is boiling."
"Could you get me a parasol when you're in there?"
"Someone could interrogate me right now and they'd get pretty far."
"Do you want me to develop Mormonrank?"
"I think the child's body would cushion the blow."

A new feature this week is SuperScrunch's word of the week. This feature came about because I often found myself asking my elder statesmen (I am the youngest of the bunch) to define their 40-year-old vocabulary (I'm a mere 33 years old in one week). Today's word is:
Pejorative (pi-jawr-uh-tiv)

–adjective

1.	having a disparaging, derogatory, or belittling effect or force: the pejorative affix -ling in princeling.

–noun

2.	a pejorative form or word, as poetaster.

This one goes to 11

I never thought I would have to admit this, but here goes: I have been defeated.

In the ongoing saga of the GPaK crew — celebrating today its 20th review — I have faced many large, manned-up meals. And I've eaten them all.

Until today.

We visited Grove Market and Deli on Big Red's suggestion. He told us on the way that the sandwiches would be "as big as your head." I didn't believe that would literally be true.

As we stood in line in the "market" part of the space, waiting to order, I could see the workers preparing huge sandwiches, but I remained undeterred. "Harrumph," I thought. "No mere sandwich can defeat my prodigious eating abilities. I shall order the meatball, and I shall triumph."

Such hubris. Such humiliation.

When my sandwich was ready, it was wrapped in foil. It was all I could do to lift the bundle, and by the time I got to the checkout, my arm was tired. Big Red commented that I was cradling it like a baby, and truthfully, I'm sure it weighed more than my second daughter did when she was born (six weeks early, at 3 pounds — but still!). When I got it back to the table and unwrapped it, I was flabbergasted. The thing was HUGE! On a man-up scale of 1 to 10, we decided, Grove Market rates an 11.

I wasn't really sure how to begin attacking the sandwich, so I just dove in. I ate the first half by hand, letting the gooey marinara sauce drip down my fingers. The meatballs were excellent, firm but tender, and tasty. The sauce was ample and mildly seasoned, and the cheese was nicely melted. With all of that sauce, the bread couldn't help but get a bit soggy, but it still had a nice flavor. I was delighted.

Then the first half was done, and I still had a huge amount of sandwich left to eat. That's when Scrunch threw down the challenge, daring me to eat the rest. I grabbed knife and fork and did my best. I managed to get down all of the meatballs, barely. The last one required serious effort. But I didn't even come close to eating all of the bread.

I rolled myself back to Brady's vehicle, somehow managed to squeeze inside and tried not to lose any of my lunch on the ride back to the office. Was I stuffed? Yes. Would I recommend Grove to others? Absolutely.

Good food. Amazing portions. And today, an opportunity to man up with the GPaK crew for our 20th anniversary blog posting. Good times. Good times, indeed.

Man-up possibilities: 11
Food quality: 9
Service: 7.5 (it takes awhile to order, but it's worth the wait)
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 8.5
Overall: 9

— GPaK

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: some quotes from today's excursion:

"I'm going to crash."
"The mojo is back."
"It will be like two hours before we get there."
"I like parade speed."
"That was post-F-bomb."
"I like pink on some things."
"I'm pretty sure I ate a human hand."
"I assume there's a hot dog under there."
"I'm laying odds you've got the best chance of yakking."
"Tonight I'll be OK. Tomorrow is the danger zone."
"I might not make it to 3 p.m."
"That was moist. I think you got something on the dash. It had chunks."
"Hold it in. I don't care if you rupture something."

The Fresh Maker?

Their menu slogan is "Scaddy's, Fresh taste is everything."

Problem is..."everything" doesn't really matter when you don't have anything to taste, having to wait five minutes longer then the rest of your table, only to not get your order quite right (Jon can give details).

Don't get me wrong, there is plenty to like about Scaddy's.

And from a lack of conversation around the table while we were eating, we were either really hungry, really enjoying our meals or we've simply become really bored with each other today

Regardless of table conversation, this is a great place to "man-up" with the Wayne Burger, consisting of two patties, three slices of cheese, several thick bacon slices along with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, ketchup and mustard! I opted to hold the mayo...just to watch the calories.

The burger was indeed very good, but didn't blow me away other than the girth of the burger itself.

I only have two small complaints about the burger. First, my buns were a little cold :) ... Insert joke here! Second, I wish my all three cheese slices had been fully melted. Seeing a cheese slice that looks like it just came out of a Kraft Singles 50-pack wasn't to my liking.

In the combo meal I ordered, I upgraded to a delicious stack of onion rings, which I will get on my next visit as well. I was able to test out Brady's cheese fries, which were also yummy once I dumped a couple of salt packs on them.

On the whole, I liked Scaddy's and would recommend it.

Man-up scale - 10
Quality - 8.5
Service - 8
Overall - 8.5

—Wingnut

Quotes from today's adventure:

"It's (Checkers). He does it. It's an angry GPaK."
"I have four good ones now."
"You just missed it."
"He just pissed all over the mojo."
"I think you're grossly underestimating the power."
"This would be a thrilling episode."
"Food Network for men."
"They would just pre-beep you."
"I think we're going places."
"They only know what man-on-man means."
"I'm going to set up a rumble. We'll have El Gigante referee."

The road to Boston is a long one

When the fellas said we were going to try the Boston Deli today for lunch, I didn't realize that the establishment was actually in Boston. Then again, it could have just been that the excruciating twenty-block walk in the sweltering September heat made it seem that way. It's probably my fault for wearing a thick, long-sleeved shirt, but why point the finger at yourself when there are others around to shoulder the blame?

Back to the review. The Boston Deli is set up in the basement of an old building and has been furnished in the style of a disgruntled TGI Friday's decorator. But we didn't go to the deli for ambiance, we came to eat. And there's plenty to like at this subterranean eatery.

Three of us chose Philly sandwich — the daily special — in one form or another and it was actually very good. Mine came as a toasted baguette covered with beef, peppers and melted Swiss cheese. The flavor and texture of the sandwich were both excellent and I would definitely order it again. I chose the Ruffles potato chips and a soda to complete my meal and it came to under $7. And get this, you don't even have to tell them to leave off the sauce, because it comes without any.

I'm just glad we didn't go to the place that puts hummus on their sandwiches and went out of its way to say everything was "Organic" ... sounds creepy, eh?

Man-up possibilities: 8
Food quality: 8
Service: 8
Overall: 8

Quotes of the day
He is a good texter. I'll give him that.
I've decided I'm not going to hide what I'm really all about.
Liechtenstein.
I used to make funnel cakes.
We'd better get back if we're going to make it before dark.

buzz! smash = 2.5 lbs. o' beef.

i don't even know where to begin with this gpak review, there are so many ways it could go. and not in a good way. benadryl. personal space. digital. check it (obilg shades flip).

let's just start with the food, then see if it goes anywhere else. hopefully not.

the whole crew, minus jet-lagged gmac, felt a drive was in order to sugar house to a new burger flavor of the month: the denver-based, gourmet/hip, beef-n-bun newcomer smashburger.

the place is great for lunch, if a bit small. it's narrow and has decent seating, with max. occupancy of 85 (or so the sign near the door states) and is bright with a cheerful greet from the order-taker. i think we also chose it because of the man-up possibilities. but i could be wrong.

menu is not complicated: burgers. sides. drinks. there are variations on the 100% angus grillers, including classic (american cheese); spicy baja (pepper jack, guac, jalapenos); mushroom swiss (duh); or, hold on to your hat, create your own.

sides are just as easy: fries, side salad, haystack onions (thin, crispy, delish) and veggie frites. dunno, didn't ask.

speaking of, there are some options involving chicken. mkay. and for the gpak challenged, something called a "smashwedge" (i know), that the menu described as a "large wedge of crisp iceberg lettuce, topped with bacon, chopped tomatoes, red onions and blue (sic) cheese crumbles, with blue (sic) cheese dressing." (I KNOW). hrmm...why try something veggie and add BACON to it. sigh.

my take--i went with the spicy baja because it was, well, spicy. and i went with the 1/2 lb. option, of course. i also went with the onion ring option, to be different. the burger was really, really good. in fact they were all so good we kind of forgot to take any photos of said goodness.

it was definitely full of flavor, and can only imagine the spices and pre-grill treatment of these bad boys. the only drawback, however, is the bun for the big 1/2 pounders are too small for the actual burger needs. small criticism, though.

the haystack onions were also good, if a bit too greasy and a little thin for my tastes. but again, minor details to an otherwise really good experience.

Food Quality: 8
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: n/a (i went with iced tea)
Man-up possibilities: 9
Service: 7
Overall: 8

random quotes. taken in and out of context. we say; you decide.

No matter where we put it, I'll take the over.

I guess I'll assume my position.

I need to focus here.

I'm crapping my pants, if I'm the Tribune.

We are a table of men.

I'm feeling a lot of man love there.

Lemme see my belly.

A lunch without the F-bomb

It happened! A lunch with the GPaK, uh I mean 3PaK — at least today — that went sans an F-bomb. Someone was missing and we'll leave it at that.

Today the crew ventured south for a visit to Jimmy John's. Typically we've shied away from the chain type eatery, choosing instead to visit spots with a more localized tie, but today we were in a hurry (GPaK said he had a meeting or something) so we went with a place that claims "subs so fast you'll freak."

I didn't freak, but it was fast and had we not hovered about the front counter debating on our selection for a few extra minutes, it probably would have been faster.

JJ's is friendly and their staff is ready and waiting to serve it up quickly. The entrance greets you with a plethora of signs — some funny, some small, some useless. But the most important sign, at least a portion of it, seemed to take one of us by surprise today.

That sign, the menu. Obviously the menu is the most important feature of our weekly get together. Without it, we wouldn't starve, but we also wouldn't be able to bring you the large selection of choices that we attempt to partake in on a weekly basis.

Where was I? Oh yes, the process of ordering. Brady stepped to the counter first and went with a standard sub sandwich — those occupying the left side (Sub Sandwiches) of the menu, and those on the cheaper side of the menu. And while I enjoy frugal, the man partially responsible for inventing the definition of manning up slipped up a bit by going cheap today. He completely missed the right side (Giant Club Sandwiches) of the menu which offer "twice the meat," yes I quoted correctly, "twice the meat."

That's where GPaK and I ventured. Greg with the #17, Utlimate Porker, me with the #16, Club LuLu. Nothing froofy about these hand grabbers. Good solid portions of meat — in my case turkey — with a LARGE stack of bacon topping it off. Add the tomato, lettuce and mayo wrapped by JJ's "famous french bread" and I had myself a sandwich — a man's sandwich. I'm bragging as it's rare I truly man up. And I did one better. I added cheese, for more money. It's all shocking, even to me, but it was a complete meal and I was very satisfied with the quantity. I chased this bad boy with some Salt and Vinegar potato chips (so so) and a raspberry iced tea. Yes, I even ventured away from the water today.

The quality was good, but not great. And while I think everyone ate well, it speaks volume that what really dominated our conversation today was the recent burger addition to Salt Lake's dining scene. Brady and I joined GPaK as Smash Burger visitors this week and we can't wait to go back as — GPaK style. In a pinch, and in need of fast food, JJ's is a solid choice and if you are really desperate and can't get away for the hour — or so —they even deliver.

Food Quality: 7
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: Please see GPaK's comment below
Man-up possibilities: 9 (they even have sides of "extra loads of meat")
Service: 9
Overall: 7.5

—SuperScrunch

Again, today, we feature some quotes from the GPaK during the meal. They lack the elegance that Wingnut brings, but they were still good for a laugh.

"Is it weird that this song reminds me of Wingnut?"
"I have officially manned up."
"Is a potato a vegetable? Not when it's a french fry. Then it's a french fry."
"My wife uses vinegar to clean the floor, so I don't feel like eating it."
"Turkey is a woman's meat. I'm just saying."
"Did you just say something about Mr. Winky?"
"If we keep talking about clothes and food, we might as well be women."