GPak-vana

It was bound to be a spicy lunch after our first exchange with SuperScrunch.

"Wow. Four of you?" SS exclaimed.
"Wow. You can count!" I shot back.
Jon held up his middle finger, flipping us off.
"That's one," Big Red shouted.
Jon then raised both hands with the double-flipper-offer.
"That's two," Big Red said again.

For the next seven minutes we debated back and forth about where we could go for lunch while we walked to the parking structure, then during our drive down State Street. Call it GPak-vana!

"What women's group came and took over your bodies, boys?" one voice shouted out while we were still deciding.

But then it hit. ... Five Star? Yes!

Then it hit again. ... La-Cai Noodle House? Yes!!

Oh, wait ... once again it hit! ... The Bayou!? Oh, yes!!!

On a beautiful November day with the warm sunshine making it feel like early October, we headed to another one of my favorite places with the slogan, "Welcome to Beervana."

After amazing parking karma, we were quickly seated and then greeted by Yolanda, a very pleasant and super-efficient server.

Once a private club, this Cajun-style pub boasts about its huge beer selection. And if we weren't working I would have grabbed a Rogue ... yum.

I chose my ultimate favorite Bayou dish, the Jambalaya, and added crawfish for an extra couple of bucks.

But I started with a side salad and their delicious creamy balsamic pesto dressing.

Just as quick as we were served and finished our salads, our meals arrived, in a timely fashion again. And Yolanda was there refilling our drinks even when we didn't realize we had gotten low on the Cokes.

One of their signature dishes, Jambalaya is packed with rice, sausage, ham, celery, onion and some seriously tasty Cajun seasoning. I always add the additional crawfish, but usually can't quite man-up and eat the entire meal. Brady was kind enough to carry my lunch back to the office for me with an assist from SuperScrunch.

I highly recommend the Bayou. Whether you enjoy a cold beer or not, this place is first class.

--Wingnut
Service: 10
Food Quality: 10
Man-up factor 10
Overall: 10

Quotes of the day:
I just had to run down to Cockers. They had my stuff ready.
Do you have any girl meats?
What kind of kids are you raising?
My lips are burning. I feel like I could breathe fire.
Waiting for a citrus bath.
Do you have any latex gloves?
Let's go to the steaming pile of meat emporium.
What women's group came and took over your bodies, boys?
I raked this up just the other day in my yard, and now I'm eating it.
Chuck couldn't carry my junk. (pause) I'll take Chuck's junk.

Stoneground = Mojo!

Yeah, we've heard it before. But it really has just been building up to this. There's been a lot of talk about the the return of the GPaK mojo. But today was the absolute proof.

It was somehow up to me to select the location for today's outing. And a special one it was supposed to be. But I just wasn't feeling it. Then SuperScrunch spouted "Stoneground" and suddenly all of us had it.

Some reservation crept in as we counted heads. Seven of us meant two cars and that meant two parking spots. That has been a problem at that downtown eatery in the past. ¡No Problemo hoy!

Stoneground is nice for a larger group because they have an open atmosphere and plenty of tables to push together. Yes!

As a vegetarian, there are lots of great choices from my favorite — House pasta — to the Eggplant parmesan sandwich. Plus creative salads, big sandwiches and veggie pizzas. There is a great variety for omnivores as well. Yum!

Our service was great. I've always noticed a casual and friendly attitude at this place, and I like that in a waiter. He handled our orders efficiently, split the checks, and although it might have taken slightly longer than expected, all our food arrived at the same time and in front of the right man. Sweet!

So that's the proof, parking karma, fun place, and great food. The mojo is back!

Carbonation report: Perfect! ;)

Food quality: I call the house pasta a 10.

Service: 9 (18% added as our group was larger than six)

Overall: 9

Notes:

Takes a bit longer than usual, so it's not a quick lunch place. May be a bit on the pricey side, as the House pasta is $12 (includes side salad), but it is very good. Serves pitchers of beer (I'll have to remember that for after work outings).

Quotes of the day:

Do you want your bum warm? Yes, I want my bum warm.

If you want to know where the GPaK Crew went for lunch today, there's an app for that.

Bring the haze.

I'm officially an a**hole. Welcome to the club.

2012 on what day? The end of 2012? No, Dec. 21. The end of the Mayan calendar.

Do you wanna see mine?

You must be like me: strictly porno.

He doesn't know how to use it.

Better than a warm tummy and a full bum.

Jonny got all excited.

To our fallen brethren.

I don't see it going anywhere but up.

If we all weighed 300 lbs we'd be screwed.

My daughter IS bacon.

A very special episode of GPaK

Today was dubbed SuperScrunch's special day, so we decided to let him pick the lunch destination. He "opted" for Martine, a downtown cafe and tapas joint we've all frequented many times over the years but have yet to review.

We usually like to go there when it's cold outside and we don't feel like traveling. When someone says a place is within walking distance, the span between our office and Martine's front door is usually what I have in mind. I don't know about you, but if I'm going to lunch, I don't want a Pioneer Trek slyly inserted into the middle of the journey there. Ask my wife about Pioneer Trek one time if you like hair-raising stories involving the plucking of live chickens. Or maybe dead, I can't remember.

Anyway, because Wingnut was feeling extra gimpy today, the seating on the upper floor (which most of us prefer, well, the important ones anyway) was out of bounds. Our server seated us well away from the windows and I got to sit on a comfy couch, which was good because I'm old, ornery and have been just generally out of sorts today. I ordered a full-size pastrami sandwich and upgraded my side to the French onion soup, which is always excellent except for the piece of bread they stuff down into the bottom of the bowl. It's probably just me, but eating a soggy slice of wheat bread is just not appealing. I must be recovering from the past two weeks, because I essentially finished my meal. The debris in my soup bowl doesn't count.

Martine doesn't have the most expansive of lunch menus but it's filled with well crafted sandwiches, tasty salads (so I've heard) and a pretty fair burger. Even the bacon veggie quiche is very good. According to the eatery's Web site, the Zagat Survey said Martine has the "best, most unique and innovative cooking in town,' plus there's an 'imaginative wine list' to boot." I can't vouch for the wine list, but ... aw hell, I can't vouch for any of it. Martine's good, but not great.

I'm kind of interested to see what the photos of our outing will look like since Wingnut was the assigned photographer and seemed intent on getting some "artsy" shots for the blog. He about took a swing at me when I prematurely tried to take a straw for my beverage (he was lining up a top-down shot of the straws as they fanned out in a small glass). He's a weirdy, I know.

Probably the highlight of the meal was Jon's riveting account of a congenital deformity, of which I will not speak of in this forum. Needless to say, the revealing of the malady got my imagination revving into high gear, trying to think up a bunch of "what if this happened?" scenarios. Unfortunately, the illness turned out to be nothing to write home about, as abnormalities go. Ah, well. There's always next week.

Man-up possibilities: 6 (eating two salads doesn't count, Chuck)
Food quality: 8
Service: 8
Overall: 7

Quotes of the day:
I hate these pants. I'm gonna take them off.
He totally p***ed out. There was a trail of urine leading out.
Me and 35-cent. We're tight.
You're rich in blessings.
I just work at the paper. I don't read it.
Do we need one of those silver umbrellas? We can just use your hair.
You were comparing your salad to my quiche.
I didn't know Jonny was a bleeder.

The extinct bird

So I thought I had a great idea today. The Dodo, a restaurant the GPaK — pre-blog days — has visited a few times, seemed like a great spot to kick off the next 20 reviews. We departed the News building and utilized TRAX to get to The Gateway. I was looking forward to raving about the turkey sandwich The Dodo serves. Upon exiting at our TRAX stop, the excitement turned to disappointment as the building once occupied by The Dodo sat empty. So while trying to pay a visit to an extinct bird, we learned the restaurant, too, (at least this location) was flightless.

And while second choices often work out for the better, I'm not certain that this second choice conquered what would have been a great meal.

With several choices at our disposal, we opted for a knock-off of the previously reviewed Cafe Rio called Costa Vida. Upon entering, it was noted by GPaK that Costa Vida seemed to inherit the line that one expects at Cafe Rio. That said, the wait was fairly short and we made it to the front of the line within 5 minutes.

I opted for the sweet pork burrito for $6.49 and, as usual, I elected to skip the "smothered" option that every burrito maker loves to talk you into. I sense that it's almost a shock to their system when I tell them no, but this guy went with my answer and sent the burrito through the conveyor belt for a little extra heat. The burrito burst at the seams while taking on a few degrees of temperature, and to their credit Costa Vida was not happy with what happened to the burrito during its short life. They happily constructed me a new one, and the end result probably tasted the same but made for a better photograph (see above).

The burrito itself was a solid meal. The pork was sweet and full of flavor, but I felt the tortilla was a little on the dry side. I always opt to go without the smothered option because I feel the extra sauce and cheese overpowers the true flavor of the pork. This may be the only time I ever say this, but this was the one time where enchilada style might have been better. The tortilla just lacked enough moisture to let me enjoy the flavorful meat. It wasn't bad, just a little off and left me wishing for the manned-up version of this bad boy.

In typical SuperScrunch fashion, I opted for water to chase my meal. It was in a word, watery, and I went with a refill for our walk back to the TRAX station.

For a mid-October day, it was about as nice as one could imagine, so we opted for outdoor dining. I'm guessing my counterparts will expand upon what turned into a little cooker.

Man-up possibilities: 9
Food quality: 7
Service: 8 (friendly enough, and they remade my burrito)
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 8 (via GPaK)
Water: watery
Overall: 7.5 (this went down an extra notch for a lack of post-meal mints — a favorite of some members of the Crew)

Quotes of the day...

"You could just log in as Ron Jeremy, and they're not going to know."
"You get to come down here to the mall and watch women in tall boots walk by."
"Is that like codpiece?"
"Greg, will you lean about 2 feet higher?"
"My head is boiling."
"Could you get me a parasol when you're in there?"
"Someone could interrogate me right now and they'd get pretty far."
"Do you want me to develop Mormonrank?"
"I think the child's body would cushion the blow."

A new feature this week is SuperScrunch's word of the week. This feature came about because I often found myself asking my elder statesmen (I am the youngest of the bunch) to define their 40-year-old vocabulary (I'm a mere 33 years old in one week). Today's word is:
Pejorative (pi-jawr-uh-tiv)

–adjective

1.	having a disparaging, derogatory, or belittling effect or force: the pejorative affix -ling in princeling.

–noun

2.	a pejorative form or word, as poetaster.

This one goes to 11

I never thought I would have to admit this, but here goes: I have been defeated.

In the ongoing saga of the GPaK crew — celebrating today its 20th review — I have faced many large, manned-up meals. And I've eaten them all.

Until today.

We visited Grove Market and Deli on Big Red's suggestion. He told us on the way that the sandwiches would be "as big as your head." I didn't believe that would literally be true.

As we stood in line in the "market" part of the space, waiting to order, I could see the workers preparing huge sandwiches, but I remained undeterred. "Harrumph," I thought. "No mere sandwich can defeat my prodigious eating abilities. I shall order the meatball, and I shall triumph."

Such hubris. Such humiliation.

When my sandwich was ready, it was wrapped in foil. It was all I could do to lift the bundle, and by the time I got to the checkout, my arm was tired. Big Red commented that I was cradling it like a baby, and truthfully, I'm sure it weighed more than my second daughter did when she was born (six weeks early, at 3 pounds — but still!). When I got it back to the table and unwrapped it, I was flabbergasted. The thing was HUGE! On a man-up scale of 1 to 10, we decided, Grove Market rates an 11.

I wasn't really sure how to begin attacking the sandwich, so I just dove in. I ate the first half by hand, letting the gooey marinara sauce drip down my fingers. The meatballs were excellent, firm but tender, and tasty. The sauce was ample and mildly seasoned, and the cheese was nicely melted. With all of that sauce, the bread couldn't help but get a bit soggy, but it still had a nice flavor. I was delighted.

Then the first half was done, and I still had a huge amount of sandwich left to eat. That's when Scrunch threw down the challenge, daring me to eat the rest. I grabbed knife and fork and did my best. I managed to get down all of the meatballs, barely. The last one required serious effort. But I didn't even come close to eating all of the bread.

I rolled myself back to Brady's vehicle, somehow managed to squeeze inside and tried not to lose any of my lunch on the ride back to the office. Was I stuffed? Yes. Would I recommend Grove to others? Absolutely.

Good food. Amazing portions. And today, an opportunity to man up with the GPaK crew for our 20th anniversary blog posting. Good times. Good times, indeed.

Man-up possibilities: 11
Food quality: 9
Service: 7.5 (it takes awhile to order, but it's worth the wait)
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 8.5
Overall: 9

— GPaK

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for: some quotes from today's excursion:

"I'm going to crash."
"The mojo is back."
"It will be like two hours before we get there."
"I like parade speed."
"That was post-F-bomb."
"I like pink on some things."
"I'm pretty sure I ate a human hand."
"I assume there's a hot dog under there."
"I'm laying odds you've got the best chance of yakking."
"Tonight I'll be OK. Tomorrow is the danger zone."
"I might not make it to 3 p.m."
"That was moist. I think you got something on the dash. It had chunks."
"Hold it in. I don't care if you rupture something."

The Fresh Maker?

Their menu slogan is "Scaddy's, Fresh taste is everything."

Problem is..."everything" doesn't really matter when you don't have anything to taste, having to wait five minutes longer then the rest of your table, only to not get your order quite right (Jon can give details).

Don't get me wrong, there is plenty to like about Scaddy's.

And from a lack of conversation around the table while we were eating, we were either really hungry, really enjoying our meals or we've simply become really bored with each other today

Regardless of table conversation, this is a great place to "man-up" with the Wayne Burger, consisting of two patties, three slices of cheese, several thick bacon slices along with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, ketchup and mustard! I opted to hold the mayo...just to watch the calories.

The burger was indeed very good, but didn't blow me away other than the girth of the burger itself.

I only have two small complaints about the burger. First, my buns were a little cold :) ... Insert joke here! Second, I wish my all three cheese slices had been fully melted. Seeing a cheese slice that looks like it just came out of a Kraft Singles 50-pack wasn't to my liking.

In the combo meal I ordered, I upgraded to a delicious stack of onion rings, which I will get on my next visit as well. I was able to test out Brady's cheese fries, which were also yummy once I dumped a couple of salt packs on them.

On the whole, I liked Scaddy's and would recommend it.

Man-up scale - 10
Quality - 8.5
Service - 8
Overall - 8.5

—Wingnut

Quotes from today's adventure:

"It's (Checkers). He does it. It's an angry GPaK."
"I have four good ones now."
"You just missed it."
"He just pissed all over the mojo."
"I think you're grossly underestimating the power."
"This would be a thrilling episode."
"Food Network for men."
"They would just pre-beep you."
"I think we're going places."
"They only know what man-on-man means."
"I'm going to set up a rumble. We'll have El Gigante referee."