Iggy's piggies

A fearsome foursome of the GPaK crew was reunited for the first time in weeks today, and it made for a lunch to remember.

As regular readers of this blog already know, we are a light-eating bunch. Today, I went with a green salad, no dressing. Brady had a 2.5-ounce steamed-tuna-on-crackers sandwich. Scrunch had bread with water. Wingnut was still too full from his birdseed breakfast, so he decided to dine on conversation alone.

At least, that's what would have happened in bizarro world.

In the real world of the GPaK, we went to Iggy's. From the moment we were greeted by the Elvira-clone hostess at the door until we arrived back at the office, it was a festival of manning up.

It's true that we were thrown a bit off our game by an encounter in the elevator before leaving the DN building. As a result, we started the meal as a GPaK crew full of rage. But we quickly recovered and had our normal jovial conversation, but for a few minutes of serious discussion about Michael Vick. I really don't know why we talked about Vick. Maybe it was the sporty atmosphere, with TVs showing clips of football and baseball games. But there you go.

I'll let the boys talk about their own meals, but let it be known that Brady's decision to order a steak — and then his ability to devour all of it, along with a hefty portion of mashed potatoes and, strangely, some vegetables — made him the man of the hour. I'm guessing he's already fallen asleep in his way-too-large-for-his-job-title third floor office, probably resting his head on one of the 50 gazillion computers he hordes down there while denying the smallest technology trifles to the rest of us. Yes, he is my hero.

As for me, I had the All-American burger. I ALWAYS have that at Iggy's, and it never disappoints. The burger is big. It's meaty. The cheddar cheese is always melty, and the bacon is cooked right. I also love the Iggy's fries. I don't know what kind of batter they put on those little bits of potato-y goodness, but it works. And the loaf of bread they give you at Iggy's to start your meal makes you feel special. Nice.

Two interesting side-notes from our meal. First, they were filming a commercial at Iggy's while we were there, and the person who started as our server was, apparently, one of the stars, so we ended up having four different people wait on us during our time in the restaurant. And second, a $10 bill that I used to pay for my meal also had been in the possession, at least briefly, of Scrunch, Wingnut and Brady, in that order, before it came to me. Truly, the GPaK that pays together, stays together.

Food Quality: 9
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: NA (they serve stinkin' Pepsi)
Man-up possibilities: 10 (I still can't believe Brady ate that entire steak)
Service: 8
Overall: 9

— GPaK

Again, today, we feature some quotes from the GPaK during the meal. I didn't say any of these things, and I'm appalled at most of them. As far as you know.

"I am not googling sweaty ball sacks."
"We'll have to edit it down."
"Does your group have a name?"
"Don't we miss stories anyways?"
"It seems like an angry GPaK crew."
"He totally ruined our mojo."
"You gonna prina up?"
"Is it a prerequisite to look look like a mini-Elvira?"
"Can you see up my nostrils? Am I flexing?"
"Look at the size of that pickle."
"Stunt eaters....I could do that."
"It was good for my ego."
"There are some things that are off the record in the GPaK."
"What's with the f-bombs?"
"She said, 'F-off, daddy.' "

Bring on the meat

I know this is going to be hard to believe, but I had never been to Barbacoa before Friday. Cafe Rio? Yes. Costa Vida? Check. Bajio. Yup. I've even eaten at a clone called Chipotle.

Scrunch suggested Barbacoa as one of several options and the idea sounded good, since the last time we'd planned to go there, we ended up hitting the more veggie-friendly Atlantic. We were only a three-Pak (me, Scrunch and Wingnut) because Greg was off burning some more vacation. Gary and Mark were AWOL as well.

One thing I liked instantly (and those of you who have been following this blog from beginning can probably already guess what I'm going to say) was that there were plenty of non-sweet meat choices. I decided to go with two spicy pork barbacoa tacos, though I was tempted by the beef barbacoa and the carnitas. Jonny, as usual, went with the cloyingly sweet honey pork barba-puka.

I found the meat to be perfectly seasoned and exceptionally flavorful, with a little peppery kick. The tortillas are clearly not as good as Cafe Rio's, though. While soft and fresh, Barbacoa's tortillas lacked the crusty grilled-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside feel of Rio. The tacos are somewhat smaller and they don't melt the cheese, either, which is a gigantic faux pas. Still, I was generally happy with my meal, which cost $8.16 for the two tacos and a drink. If I'd have asked for sides of rice and beans, I would have been near $10, which is what you'd normally pay at Cafe Rio.

The ambiance is upscale at the downtown Barbacoa, though Jonny reports that other locations aren't nearly as posh. I understand that the building used to contain another higher-class establishment. All in all, it was good, but not great.

Man-up possibilities: 9 (The burritos are supposed to be colossal.)
Food quality: 8
Fizz-o-meter: 0 (I had lemonade, go figure.)
Overall: 7.5

Quotes of the day:
I can't {bleeping} believe that {bleeping} {bleep} keeps {bleeping} {bleep}!

It's not easy carrying all of these purses.

They have stoplights in Idaho? Hey! It's not like we're talking about the Dakotas!

A Crown for the real burger king

Writer’s note: This column has been correlated by Greg Kratz. For those of you not familiar with the correlation process at the DNews, all Church News content has to be approved by the good folks across the street. To give you an idea of how raunchy the lunch was, Greg insisted on correlating today’s review. ... Though to be fair, I usually ask Greg to copy edit my work, just not censor it.

Editor's note: Wingnut needs a fair amount of editing. And if you've ever met him, you would agree that he needs a fair amount of censoring. But happily, I did not need to do much of either to this review. Have a nice day.

Mission of the day: Three of us would eat for six. Now that’s manning up.

So with that in mind, half of the GPaK crew decided to return to an old but delicious standby: Crown Burgers. And oddly enough, we haven’t reviewed it since the inception of this blog.

I told GPaK Thursday that I was craving something kinda nasty (for lunch), so a sloppy burger was the perfect cure.

After visiting our accounting department earlier in the morning, my friend Brent told me to try the house specialty, the Crown Burger.

Now I’m a creature of habit when it comes to restaurants that I frequent, but I made a last-minute change from my usually yummy bacon cheeseburger to the Crown.

This is a meat-lover's burger with a generous-sized patty stacked an inch high with pastrami. The wonderful creation was topped off with a thick slide of cheddar cheese, fresh lettuce and a juicy tomato slice.

I might be in love .... with this burger. And I would have thought topping their bacon cheeseburger would have been impossible. The only thing I might change on the Crown would be the sauce. It’s very tasty, but does make the bun a little too soggy. And I could do with a few less calories ... but who the hell am I kidding! The Crown was damn amazing. (Tasty tip: Turn the Crown upside down so the yummy pastrami is the first thing to hit your taste buds.)

Brady also manned-up with their chili dog and a man-size order of onion rings. And I loved Brady’s way of eating the meal — an onion ring with every bite of dog. He did leave a few rings on his tray, so he might not have completely manned-up. ... He has always eaten like a bird, so you can be the judge.

And rounding out the trio, GPaK enjoyed the ever-popular bacon cheeseburger with a huge order of fries that were hot with just the right amount of salt (the key to good fries).

Food Quality: 9.5
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 8
Man-up possibilities: 10
Overall: 9.5

As a bonus to the review, here are some of the outtakes from today’s lunch conversation. For your entertainment, you can try to match up the names of GPaK, Wingnut and Brady to each of the quotes.

“Don't make me pull out my belly and shake it at you.”
“Could you lay off the belly comments?”
“You are kind of like SuperScrunch.”
“I probably shouldn't yell, ‘I need it!' to Chuck across the room.”
“You want me to take a picture of you taking a bite out of your big wiener?”
“That was just alarming.”
“Rings on the dog.” (a Michael Vick reference)
“Where did you pull that out of?” RESPONSE: “I think you know where!”
“I have the velvet jumpsuit on under this.”
“I’m pretty sure I've never set foot inside a Utah booby bar. ... I know that's pretty surprising.”

— Wingnut (with an assist from GPaK)

Este Pizzeria

With the first Friday of August producing the coolest temps we've seen since mid June, the group decided it was a MUST that we hoof it to lunch this week. Okay, maybe I insisted that we walk, but it felt like a group decision or at least a majority decision. Does that count?

Anyway... after deciding we WERE walking, the Crew (minus GPaK and Brady who decided vacation was a better choice this week) tossed around a few options before selecting Big Red's suggestion of Este Pizzeria, one of the newest members to downtown's dining scene. Side note: Since I'm a New York Yankees fan, Big Red and his Red Sox affection deserve serious props for this recommendation of a New York Pizzeria— especially with a tough four-game series between the two in New York this weekend.

Upon entering this hip new joint, the four of us didn't stray far from the daily lunch special (2 slices and a drink or 1 slice, salad and a drink). GMac and I went with the later, Big Red and Wingnut opted for the double slice combo. Nobody was disappointed and the salad was surprisingly impressive with an array of mixed greens, yellow raisins, sunflower seeds, olives and tomatoes. Definitely not your typical "house salad" at an affordable pizza house.

The pizza held true to form and seemed to represent the essence of a New York slice (widely characterized as wide, thin and foldable). I went the route of pepperoni while my compadres covered the remaining lunch special choices of spinach and a meatball selection that was said to change the life of Mr. Wing.

Since the special came with a beverage, the majority of us went with the Apple Beer from the fountain (you'd have loved it, Brady) and GMac reported the fizz factor to jump off the scale to a big fat 11 (GPaK, you would have been proud).

Three or four pesky flies buzzing about our table was the one drawback to an otherwise quick, tasty and affordable trek. I only left wondering what subject our cashier taught at the MTC.

Man-up possibilities: 9 (it is pizza we are talking about)
Food quality: 9
Fizz-o-meter of Apple Beer: 11
Service: 8 (the table could have been cleaner and the flies were annoying)
Overall: 9.0

—SuperScrunch

Mediterranean adventure

"Do you want to go to the locally-owned small cafe or the national chain?" I ask as we stand on the corner. The executives in the group look at each other, but say nothing, so Scrunch and I just start walking to The Atlantic, choosing the cafe. I'm happy knowing that my comfort food is just ahead of us.

As we enter, I spy the large table for our group of five and grab it. There are a lot of tables for four, but this is the last for more.

Our friendly waitress asks about Joe and Jared and takes our orders. Mary goes for a chicken gyro, Brady opts for the beef gyro with fries, our server chooses vegetable lasagna for me and Jon goes for the chicken pita sandwich. Following my recommendation Chuck orders one of the house specialties - Cevap (lamb and beef sausage) on panini with rice and salad.

As an afterthought, Chuck decides to get some dolmas for an appetizer which are served almost immediately to rave reviews. I wait patiently, watching the grape-leaf wrapped morsels disappear, as I think "dolmas might be one of those foods worth giving up vegetarian" -- but only for a second. They do look and smell great!

Over a single Diet Coke (Chuck) which has a fizz factor of 8 (maybe a bit high for a European-style cafe) excellent iced tea (surprising our waitress, who usually brings me coffee "weird!" she says) and "very watery" water, Brady tells his story of the being accosted by a panhandler while pumping gas, Mary tells of an encounter with another unsavory character, and I relate my (latest) drunk on the train story. Jon's got nothin'.

It's time for the out-of-context-quote-of-the-day: "If any of you guys need Viagra, I've got sources."

The plates arrive two at a time, just a little past the time we were expecting, and Chuck's arrives last. He marvels at the similarity to food he ate while in Bosnia.

After eating my balsamic vinagrette dressed salad, I enjoy the perfectly portioned vegetable lasagna (served with four slices of excellent bread) which is delicious as usual. Mary, Brady and Jon seem to like their meals, and Chuck raves about the cevap.

Walking back to the office our thoughts turn to ballet dancing attire and acorns and we all agree it is worth the walk, and wonder why we don't visit The Atlantic more often.

Sound clip of the week


Anna, Nadja and the rest always make sure the service is great: 9/10.
Vegetarian options: 9/10
Overall: I give The Atlantic a 9/10 if only to allow for room for improvement.

A Trio of four

As we approached Cafe Trio, I'm guessing that Scrunch, Wingnut, Brady and I all were thinking the same thing: how long is it going to take us to park this time?

You see, about a year ago, we visited Cafe Trio. Scrunch was driving. And driving. And driving. Around and around the parking lot, looking for a spot. The rest of us were laughing. And guffawing. And chortling. We eventually had to park quite far away, and the entire incident lives on in our memories as an "epic" start to that particular lunch.

Unfortunately, I remember the parking incident more than the food from that day. I remember that the food was good. But that's about it.

So as we entered Wingnut's big-rig and Brady suggested that Cafe Trio serve as our lunch destination, I couldn't really remember what to expect. But when we were able to pull into an open parking spot right next to the restaurant, I knew we weren't going to be disappointed.

We ate al fresco, and even though it was a scorching hot day and we were not near any misters (sigh), the awnings kept us cool. Well, except for Scrunch's left arm, which got a bit of sun. But we all decided he's young and is sure to recover.

For lunch, I chose the pasta carbonara, because, well, it has bacon. I love bacon. (For more on bacon, go here.)

For the non-food-educated among you, carbonara is a sauce for pasta that contains eggs and bacon or ham and grated cheese. And Trio does its carbonara right. The dish was big enough to be filling, but didn't leave me feeling stuffed. The sauce was substantial, but not too heavy. The bacon was flavorful, the peas were firm (nothing worse than mushy peas) and the noodles were cooked al dente, as they should be.

The service was excellent (servers were present, but weren't hovering). The Coke was a bit flat, and a few flies were buzzing about, but otherwise I have no complaints about Trio.

Of course, you really ought to get a good lunch at Trio, because it costs more than we in the GPaK Crew usually pay. For my lunch, with tip, I shelled out $18. Yikes! That means Trio is not an every-week place. But considering the quality of the food and the chance of an epic parking experience, it definitely IS a once in a while place that the Crew will visit again.

— GPaK

Sound clip of the week


Man-up possibilities: 8 (Wingnut's pizza was huge!)
Food quality: 9
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 7
Service: 8
Overall: 8.5

Tacos Don Rafa

There is no way in hell they will go for this, I told myself.

But at least some of the boys (Brady and Jon) truly "manned-up" and took my challenge to enjoy a truly authentic Mexican food cart meal along Salt Lake City's famed State Street Friday. In fairness, GPak and GMac were out of town, while Big Red chose to wear pink today, carry a purse and go elsewhere.

"There won't be anywhere to sit," Brady complained this morning. But I assured him that the Sears parking lot at 800 South, famous for numerous fatal shootings, had places to sit, namely the foot-tall concrete wall separating the sidewalk from the parking lot.

Tacos Don Rafa did not disappoint. I couldn't decide between the burrito and the tacos, so I ordered both. Hell, those combined with a $1 can of Diet Coke only came to five bucks (Six if you include my tip).

I sunk my teeth into the chicken burrito — that I decided to eat "naked" — first. Bad choice of words for me. I could say "stripped-down" but either way you dirty-minded readers would think the worst. But I did choose to enjoy the flavors of the meat instead of piling on all the extras like other restaurants do. And it was delicious.The tortilla was grilled to perfection, albeit a little thin for this monster burrito stuffed with generous portions of grilled chicken, pinto beans, rice and cheese.

I finished about three-quarters of the burrito before diving into my two beef tacos and this time they were fully dressed with a wonderful combination of tomatoes, green onions, white onions and jalapeños.

There were a lot of jokes around the office about getting sick, but I had quite the Freudian slip when I suggested to Big Red I might get Gonorrhea from eating the tacos (I was thinking diarrhea ... but obviously my mind was elsewhere! LOL).

On a 1-to-10 scale, for food quality, I give a solid 8. They get a perfect 10 for their reasonable prices. And after watching a couple of guys visiting from Turkey devour their one-pound chicken burrito, I'd have to give Tacos Don Rafas a 9.5 on the Man-Up scale.

-Wingnut