The road to Boston is a long one

When the fellas said we were going to try the Boston Deli today for lunch, I didn't realize that the establishment was actually in Boston. Then again, it could have just been that the excruciating twenty-block walk in the sweltering September heat made it seem that way. It's probably my fault for wearing a thick, long-sleeved shirt, but why point the finger at yourself when there are others around to shoulder the blame?

Back to the review. The Boston Deli is set up in the basement of an old building and has been furnished in the style of a disgruntled TGI Friday's decorator. But we didn't go to the deli for ambiance, we came to eat. And there's plenty to like at this subterranean eatery.

Three of us chose Philly sandwich — the daily special — in one form or another and it was actually very good. Mine came as a toasted baguette covered with beef, peppers and melted Swiss cheese. The flavor and texture of the sandwich were both excellent and I would definitely order it again. I chose the Ruffles potato chips and a soda to complete my meal and it came to under $7. And get this, you don't even have to tell them to leave off the sauce, because it comes without any.

I'm just glad we didn't go to the place that puts hummus on their sandwiches and went out of its way to say everything was "Organic" ... sounds creepy, eh?

Man-up possibilities: 8
Food quality: 8
Service: 8
Overall: 8

Quotes of the day
He is a good texter. I'll give him that.
I've decided I'm not going to hide what I'm really all about.
Liechtenstein.
I used to make funnel cakes.
We'd better get back if we're going to make it before dark.

buzz! smash = 2.5 lbs. o' beef.

i don't even know where to begin with this gpak review, there are so many ways it could go. and not in a good way. benadryl. personal space. digital. check it (obilg shades flip).

let's just start with the food, then see if it goes anywhere else. hopefully not.

the whole crew, minus jet-lagged gmac, felt a drive was in order to sugar house to a new burger flavor of the month: the denver-based, gourmet/hip, beef-n-bun newcomer smashburger.

the place is great for lunch, if a bit small. it's narrow and has decent seating, with max. occupancy of 85 (or so the sign near the door states) and is bright with a cheerful greet from the order-taker. i think we also chose it because of the man-up possibilities. but i could be wrong.

menu is not complicated: burgers. sides. drinks. there are variations on the 100% angus grillers, including classic (american cheese); spicy baja (pepper jack, guac, jalapenos); mushroom swiss (duh); or, hold on to your hat, create your own.

sides are just as easy: fries, side salad, haystack onions (thin, crispy, delish) and veggie frites. dunno, didn't ask.

speaking of, there are some options involving chicken. mkay. and for the gpak challenged, something called a "smashwedge" (i know), that the menu described as a "large wedge of crisp iceberg lettuce, topped with bacon, chopped tomatoes, red onions and blue (sic) cheese crumbles, with blue (sic) cheese dressing." (I KNOW). hrmm...why try something veggie and add BACON to it. sigh.

my take--i went with the spicy baja because it was, well, spicy. and i went with the 1/2 lb. option, of course. i also went with the onion ring option, to be different. the burger was really, really good. in fact they were all so good we kind of forgot to take any photos of said goodness.

it was definitely full of flavor, and can only imagine the spices and pre-grill treatment of these bad boys. the only drawback, however, is the bun for the big 1/2 pounders are too small for the actual burger needs. small criticism, though.

the haystack onions were also good, if a bit too greasy and a little thin for my tastes. but again, minor details to an otherwise really good experience.

Food Quality: 8
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: n/a (i went with iced tea)
Man-up possibilities: 9
Service: 7
Overall: 8

random quotes. taken in and out of context. we say; you decide.

No matter where we put it, I'll take the over.

I guess I'll assume my position.

I need to focus here.

I'm crapping my pants, if I'm the Tribune.

We are a table of men.

I'm feeling a lot of man love there.

Lemme see my belly.

A lunch without the F-bomb

It happened! A lunch with the GPaK, uh I mean 3PaK — at least today — that went sans an F-bomb. Someone was missing and we'll leave it at that.

Today the crew ventured south for a visit to Jimmy John's. Typically we've shied away from the chain type eatery, choosing instead to visit spots with a more localized tie, but today we were in a hurry (GPaK said he had a meeting or something) so we went with a place that claims "subs so fast you'll freak."

I didn't freak, but it was fast and had we not hovered about the front counter debating on our selection for a few extra minutes, it probably would have been faster.

JJ's is friendly and their staff is ready and waiting to serve it up quickly. The entrance greets you with a plethora of signs — some funny, some small, some useless. But the most important sign, at least a portion of it, seemed to take one of us by surprise today.

That sign, the menu. Obviously the menu is the most important feature of our weekly get together. Without it, we wouldn't starve, but we also wouldn't be able to bring you the large selection of choices that we attempt to partake in on a weekly basis.

Where was I? Oh yes, the process of ordering. Brady stepped to the counter first and went with a standard sub sandwich — those occupying the left side (Sub Sandwiches) of the menu, and those on the cheaper side of the menu. And while I enjoy frugal, the man partially responsible for inventing the definition of manning up slipped up a bit by going cheap today. He completely missed the right side (Giant Club Sandwiches) of the menu which offer "twice the meat," yes I quoted correctly, "twice the meat."

That's where GPaK and I ventured. Greg with the #17, Utlimate Porker, me with the #16, Club LuLu. Nothing froofy about these hand grabbers. Good solid portions of meat — in my case turkey — with a LARGE stack of bacon topping it off. Add the tomato, lettuce and mayo wrapped by JJ's "famous french bread" and I had myself a sandwich — a man's sandwich. I'm bragging as it's rare I truly man up. And I did one better. I added cheese, for more money. It's all shocking, even to me, but it was a complete meal and I was very satisfied with the quantity. I chased this bad boy with some Salt and Vinegar potato chips (so so) and a raspberry iced tea. Yes, I even ventured away from the water today.

The quality was good, but not great. And while I think everyone ate well, it speaks volume that what really dominated our conversation today was the recent burger addition to Salt Lake's dining scene. Brady and I joined GPaK as Smash Burger visitors this week and we can't wait to go back as — GPaK style. In a pinch, and in need of fast food, JJ's is a solid choice and if you are really desperate and can't get away for the hour — or so —they even deliver.

Food Quality: 7
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: Please see GPaK's comment below
Man-up possibilities: 9 (they even have sides of "extra loads of meat")
Service: 9
Overall: 7.5

—SuperScrunch

Again, today, we feature some quotes from the GPaK during the meal. They lack the elegance that Wingnut brings, but they were still good for a laugh.

"Is it weird that this song reminds me of Wingnut?"
"I have officially manned up."
"Is a potato a vegetable? Not when it's a french fry. Then it's a french fry."
"My wife uses vinegar to clean the floor, so I don't feel like eating it."
"Turkey is a woman's meat. I'm just saying."
"Did you just say something about Mr. Winky?"
"If we keep talking about clothes and food, we might as well be women."

Iggy's piggies

A fearsome foursome of the GPaK crew was reunited for the first time in weeks today, and it made for a lunch to remember.

As regular readers of this blog already know, we are a light-eating bunch. Today, I went with a green salad, no dressing. Brady had a 2.5-ounce steamed-tuna-on-crackers sandwich. Scrunch had bread with water. Wingnut was still too full from his birdseed breakfast, so he decided to dine on conversation alone.

At least, that's what would have happened in bizarro world.

In the real world of the GPaK, we went to Iggy's. From the moment we were greeted by the Elvira-clone hostess at the door until we arrived back at the office, it was a festival of manning up.

It's true that we were thrown a bit off our game by an encounter in the elevator before leaving the DN building. As a result, we started the meal as a GPaK crew full of rage. But we quickly recovered and had our normal jovial conversation, but for a few minutes of serious discussion about Michael Vick. I really don't know why we talked about Vick. Maybe it was the sporty atmosphere, with TVs showing clips of football and baseball games. But there you go.

I'll let the boys talk about their own meals, but let it be known that Brady's decision to order a steak — and then his ability to devour all of it, along with a hefty portion of mashed potatoes and, strangely, some vegetables — made him the man of the hour. I'm guessing he's already fallen asleep in his way-too-large-for-his-job-title third floor office, probably resting his head on one of the 50 gazillion computers he hordes down there while denying the smallest technology trifles to the rest of us. Yes, he is my hero.

As for me, I had the All-American burger. I ALWAYS have that at Iggy's, and it never disappoints. The burger is big. It's meaty. The cheddar cheese is always melty, and the bacon is cooked right. I also love the Iggy's fries. I don't know what kind of batter they put on those little bits of potato-y goodness, but it works. And the loaf of bread they give you at Iggy's to start your meal makes you feel special. Nice.

Two interesting side-notes from our meal. First, they were filming a commercial at Iggy's while we were there, and the person who started as our server was, apparently, one of the stars, so we ended up having four different people wait on us during our time in the restaurant. And second, a $10 bill that I used to pay for my meal also had been in the possession, at least briefly, of Scrunch, Wingnut and Brady, in that order, before it came to me. Truly, the GPaK that pays together, stays together.

Food Quality: 9
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: NA (they serve stinkin' Pepsi)
Man-up possibilities: 10 (I still can't believe Brady ate that entire steak)
Service: 8
Overall: 9

— GPaK

Again, today, we feature some quotes from the GPaK during the meal. I didn't say any of these things, and I'm appalled at most of them. As far as you know.

"I am not googling sweaty ball sacks."
"We'll have to edit it down."
"Does your group have a name?"
"Don't we miss stories anyways?"
"It seems like an angry GPaK crew."
"He totally ruined our mojo."
"You gonna prina up?"
"Is it a prerequisite to look look like a mini-Elvira?"
"Can you see up my nostrils? Am I flexing?"
"Look at the size of that pickle."
"Stunt eaters....I could do that."
"It was good for my ego."
"There are some things that are off the record in the GPaK."
"What's with the f-bombs?"
"She said, 'F-off, daddy.' "

Bring on the meat

I know this is going to be hard to believe, but I had never been to Barbacoa before Friday. Cafe Rio? Yes. Costa Vida? Check. Bajio. Yup. I've even eaten at a clone called Chipotle.

Scrunch suggested Barbacoa as one of several options and the idea sounded good, since the last time we'd planned to go there, we ended up hitting the more veggie-friendly Atlantic. We were only a three-Pak (me, Scrunch and Wingnut) because Greg was off burning some more vacation. Gary and Mark were AWOL as well.

One thing I liked instantly (and those of you who have been following this blog from beginning can probably already guess what I'm going to say) was that there were plenty of non-sweet meat choices. I decided to go with two spicy pork barbacoa tacos, though I was tempted by the beef barbacoa and the carnitas. Jonny, as usual, went with the cloyingly sweet honey pork barba-puka.

I found the meat to be perfectly seasoned and exceptionally flavorful, with a little peppery kick. The tortillas are clearly not as good as Cafe Rio's, though. While soft and fresh, Barbacoa's tortillas lacked the crusty grilled-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside feel of Rio. The tacos are somewhat smaller and they don't melt the cheese, either, which is a gigantic faux pas. Still, I was generally happy with my meal, which cost $8.16 for the two tacos and a drink. If I'd have asked for sides of rice and beans, I would have been near $10, which is what you'd normally pay at Cafe Rio.

The ambiance is upscale at the downtown Barbacoa, though Jonny reports that other locations aren't nearly as posh. I understand that the building used to contain another higher-class establishment. All in all, it was good, but not great.

Man-up possibilities: 9 (The burritos are supposed to be colossal.)
Food quality: 8
Fizz-o-meter: 0 (I had lemonade, go figure.)
Overall: 7.5

Quotes of the day:
I can't {bleeping} believe that {bleeping} {bleep} keeps {bleeping} {bleep}!

It's not easy carrying all of these purses.

They have stoplights in Idaho? Hey! It's not like we're talking about the Dakotas!

A Crown for the real burger king

Writer’s note: This column has been correlated by Greg Kratz. For those of you not familiar with the correlation process at the DNews, all Church News content has to be approved by the good folks across the street. To give you an idea of how raunchy the lunch was, Greg insisted on correlating today’s review. ... Though to be fair, I usually ask Greg to copy edit my work, just not censor it.

Editor's note: Wingnut needs a fair amount of editing. And if you've ever met him, you would agree that he needs a fair amount of censoring. But happily, I did not need to do much of either to this review. Have a nice day.

Mission of the day: Three of us would eat for six. Now that’s manning up.

So with that in mind, half of the GPaK crew decided to return to an old but delicious standby: Crown Burgers. And oddly enough, we haven’t reviewed it since the inception of this blog.

I told GPaK Thursday that I was craving something kinda nasty (for lunch), so a sloppy burger was the perfect cure.

After visiting our accounting department earlier in the morning, my friend Brent told me to try the house specialty, the Crown Burger.

Now I’m a creature of habit when it comes to restaurants that I frequent, but I made a last-minute change from my usually yummy bacon cheeseburger to the Crown.

This is a meat-lover's burger with a generous-sized patty stacked an inch high with pastrami. The wonderful creation was topped off with a thick slide of cheddar cheese, fresh lettuce and a juicy tomato slice.

I might be in love .... with this burger. And I would have thought topping their bacon cheeseburger would have been impossible. The only thing I might change on the Crown would be the sauce. It’s very tasty, but does make the bun a little too soggy. And I could do with a few less calories ... but who the hell am I kidding! The Crown was damn amazing. (Tasty tip: Turn the Crown upside down so the yummy pastrami is the first thing to hit your taste buds.)

Brady also manned-up with their chili dog and a man-size order of onion rings. And I loved Brady’s way of eating the meal — an onion ring with every bite of dog. He did leave a few rings on his tray, so he might not have completely manned-up. ... He has always eaten like a bird, so you can be the judge.

And rounding out the trio, GPaK enjoyed the ever-popular bacon cheeseburger with a huge order of fries that were hot with just the right amount of salt (the key to good fries).

Food Quality: 9.5
Fizz-o-meter of Coke: 8
Man-up possibilities: 10
Overall: 9.5

As a bonus to the review, here are some of the outtakes from today’s lunch conversation. For your entertainment, you can try to match up the names of GPaK, Wingnut and Brady to each of the quotes.

“Don't make me pull out my belly and shake it at you.”
“Could you lay off the belly comments?”
“You are kind of like SuperScrunch.”
“I probably shouldn't yell, ‘I need it!' to Chuck across the room.”
“You want me to take a picture of you taking a bite out of your big wiener?”
“That was just alarming.”
“Rings on the dog.” (a Michael Vick reference)
“Where did you pull that out of?” RESPONSE: “I think you know where!”
“I have the velvet jumpsuit on under this.”
“I’m pretty sure I've never set foot inside a Utah booby bar. ... I know that's pretty surprising.”

— Wingnut (with an assist from GPaK)

Este Pizzeria

With the first Friday of August producing the coolest temps we've seen since mid June, the group decided it was a MUST that we hoof it to lunch this week. Okay, maybe I insisted that we walk, but it felt like a group decision or at least a majority decision. Does that count?

Anyway... after deciding we WERE walking, the Crew (minus GPaK and Brady who decided vacation was a better choice this week) tossed around a few options before selecting Big Red's suggestion of Este Pizzeria, one of the newest members to downtown's dining scene. Side note: Since I'm a New York Yankees fan, Big Red and his Red Sox affection deserve serious props for this recommendation of a New York Pizzeria— especially with a tough four-game series between the two in New York this weekend.

Upon entering this hip new joint, the four of us didn't stray far from the daily lunch special (2 slices and a drink or 1 slice, salad and a drink). GMac and I went with the later, Big Red and Wingnut opted for the double slice combo. Nobody was disappointed and the salad was surprisingly impressive with an array of mixed greens, yellow raisins, sunflower seeds, olives and tomatoes. Definitely not your typical "house salad" at an affordable pizza house.

The pizza held true to form and seemed to represent the essence of a New York slice (widely characterized as wide, thin and foldable). I went the route of pepperoni while my compadres covered the remaining lunch special choices of spinach and a meatball selection that was said to change the life of Mr. Wing.

Since the special came with a beverage, the majority of us went with the Apple Beer from the fountain (you'd have loved it, Brady) and GMac reported the fizz factor to jump off the scale to a big fat 11 (GPaK, you would have been proud).

Three or four pesky flies buzzing about our table was the one drawback to an otherwise quick, tasty and affordable trek. I only left wondering what subject our cashier taught at the MTC.

Man-up possibilities: 9 (it is pizza we are talking about)
Food quality: 9
Fizz-o-meter of Apple Beer: 11
Service: 8 (the table could have been cleaner and the flies were annoying)
Overall: 9.0

—SuperScrunch