A belated Ho Ho Ho from the GPaK Crew!

Hope you all enjoyed a Merry Merry Christmas with family and friends this past weekend. Since Christmas fell on a Friday, we felt it appropriate to share our Christmas feasts with our large readership.

Without further ado, I give you most of the GPaK Crew's meals from December 25th!

SuperScrunch
--Marinated Pork Loin, Sweet Potatoes, and Green Beans with Carmelized Shallots.
Overall rating: 10+

GPaK
--We had delicious ham (bacon's almost-as-tasty cousin), funeral potatoes, Jell-O (blue!) and Coke (I'd give it an 8 on the fizz-o-meter).
Overall rating: This one goes to 11

GMac
--
Overall rating: 5

Pancakes: I made. Fluffy and just right! With butter and maple syrup.
Scrambled Eggs: Kim's chickens made and Kim cooked. Well done!

Oatmeal, Cheerios and eggs This is the chicken flock's Christmas dinner. She swears they won't get mad cow disease if they eat their own eggs.

Wingnut
--
Overall rating: 9.5

Jules and my sister Lisa are amazing chefs...seriously, I'm not trying to butter anyone up. Our meal rocked.

And Big Red, those fresh green beans were wonderful.

My sister, who can multi-task with the best of them, LOL, made some killer scallop potatoes with Sun-dried tomatoes on top...the only problem was, she left them under the broiler too long despite being warned by Jules.

Other than that....the food was excellent, even the potatoes.

My favorite had to be Jules' cranberry salad which includes grapes, walnuts, cream and of course, cranberries....yummmmy!

-Wingnut

big.red

appetizers:

cooked shrimp, cocktail sauce, lemon wedges. perfect for the shellfish eaters in the crowd, chief amongst them, my daughter. these were delish, crisp and fresh.

spinach dip, dark and russian rye bread. staple at any of our parties, and this was prepared by my sister, angie. she kills it every time. gotta go with the orowheat russian and dark loafs.

assorted chips, dips.

main:

caesar salad. mom mary brought this, and hit it out of the park. romaine was perfect. the dressing was key: cardini's. we missed the fresh parm, but it was still awesome.

honey-baked ham, garlic infused. already pre-cooked, easiest entree to prepare, just don't overcook it! threw in about 6 cloves of garlic between some of the cuts. went with the 140 degree medium rare temp on the thermometer which was perfect. only minor glitch: we didn't do the pineapple! egad.

twice-baked potatoes. these were heidi's. and they rocked. they were creamy, not too salty, not too much butter overload (is that even possible!). well done, baby.

beverages, spirits:

2006 gallo reserve pinot noir. vanilla vodka and coke. gin and sprite. uinta cutthroat pale ale. assorted sodas. eggnog. coffee. pinot was dry. cutthroat was cutthroat. eggnog was egg-noggy. didn't do the others. heidi and my sister angie enjoyed the flavored vodka. mary enjoyed her crown and coke.

dessert:

peach pie, apple pie (no photos!). store bought, alas. still good.

overall: a great christmas feast, for which i am grateful to have been able to serve, share and make memories. i give it a 10.


Quotes o' the day (Christmas special)
I want more penguin poop
Did you eat my salad yet
I'm full....my belly hurts
When your done your done
Sometime you don't want to be woken up
Be careful with them....remember they are fragile.
I'm sure not all Christmas dinners are as wonderful as the one we had
I don't want him running that truck over you
I say let them run till they stop and drop
It gives me heartburn
Julie loves her (own) cranberry salad
Do you by any chance have in tumms?
A little too much grease for me...tasted good going down
That's enough grandpa..save some for the rest us!
He's 31. She's 18. Do the math.
Now entering a drama-free zone!
It's a major award!

Express enjoyable! Even for a slow old guy.

It's ironic that “express” is in the name of the restaurant that we dined at and later (much later) reviewed. Obviously I need to visit the dictionary on the definition of the word.

So my sincere apologies for the tardiness of my Braza Express review.

But for those who were at the News on Friday, you know that it was an unusually hectic day filled with meetings, with barely enough time to enjoy the doughnuts and our lunch tradition.

I might add that GMac has yet to fulfill his obligation to the GPaK Crew and write another review.

But if you are a vegetarian, like our dear friend Gmac, then Braza Express is not for you.

For the meat lovers ... it’s time to rejoice!

I will admit, I was a little on the grumpy side going into Friday’s lunch, just looking for a few things to nit-pick. But to be honest, when I tried to come up with a few, they were just minor little things that every place would probably have on a given day. (I asked for a fountain drink, but they failed to tell me the Diet Coke was out.)

For my lunch, I chose the Mixed Grill, which included two pieces of each of the meats featured on their main menu: tenderloin, top sirloin, chicken and ham with tasty grilled pineapple.

This was a man’s meal. The portion sizes were huge, and there was no way this old grumpy guy was going to finish his plate.

Set up cafeteria style, this new Main Street eatery was a nice surprise. All of my grilled meats were cooked to perfection. Although, with their utensils, the plastic knife proved to be a little challenging. But again, I was easily frustrated. :)

With the Mixed Grill entree, my plate (the to-go kind — they ran out of the regular plates) came heaped with rice smothered in black beans, a small hunk of bread, 8 pieces of meat, steamed vegetables and another side of salad (they had four kinds from which to choose).

Braza is a breath of fresh air on Main.

-Wingnut

Man-up possibilities: 11
Quality: 9.9
Service: 9
Overall 9.9

Quotes of the day :

That was your opportunity to feed the bird.
You should really let your entire self-image be based on what others think of you.
Are you in trouble with the wife?
I can just feel myself flushing up.
I just keep getting rid of TVs and nothing's changed.
There's nothing funnier than little kids dropping the f-bomb.
I'm already at half-Kratz.
Do you have a light coming out of your crack?

Red Rockin' out with my, uh ... never mind

I learned today that the GPaK should move to Hawaii where it is warm year round. This would accomplish two things:

1) Greg would not steal my knit cap and throw it on the pavement because I wouldn't be wearing one.
2) Chuck could always wear shorts (or possibly parachute pants), which would reduce the number of nether-region follicle tears he experiences during a one-hour period. For the readers' information, today's count was three.

On that note, let's talk about the Red Rock Brewing Company, our lunch destination. I've been to Red Rock several times, but today was the first with a GPaK's Friday Lunch Blog hanging over my head. Needless to say, it was difficult to concentrate. Still, I was able to accurately predict the menu selections of all three of my fellow diners, a skill that will no doubt come in handy if I'm ever in the market for a new career.

I tried, but being frugal isn't easy at Red Rock, especially if you'd like something that doesn't come in a bread pocket (Red Rock eschews the time-honored bun in favor of the pita). Most lunch items cost in excess of $10 and several approach $20 or more. I ordered an Italian sausage personal pizza for $9.99. Red Rock makes its own sausage (so the menu said) and I found it to be reasonably tasty, with just a hint of heat. The pizza was a 10-incher and I ate about three-quarters of it before getting too full to continue. I also made it a point to sample some of Superscrunch's waffle-cut carrots, which were delicious and enjoyable to eat in a kindergarten-y way.

The place was almost full and we had to raise our voices several times to be heard over the din, but the surplus of ambient noise had its advantages, too, drowning out many of Wingnut's phone calls. I've enjoyed Red Rock the most when money wasn't an object (i.e., on someone else's dime). If you find yourself in one of those situations, be sure to try some of the available appetizers. The onion rings and mozzarella sticks are both very good; the calamari is too, if you are in to that kind of thing.

Go 'Huskers!

Man-up possibilities: 9
Food quality: 8
Service: 8
Overall: 8

Quotes o' the day:
REMARK: I smell Wings. REJOINDER: You smell yourself?
I'll have a spite salad, with a side order of idiocracy.
Diddle-fingers.
I just wet the bed so it forces me to get out.
We'll be the flying doughnut shop.
It's good to be us.
I ordered for the little lady today.
That's a fun way to eat carrots.
It's kind of hard to come up with words when you don't know any.
REMARK: Dude, you need a wax. REJOINDER: Yeah, get one, it's nice.
I can't get down.

the coachmans special (no apostrophe needed. really.)

walking into the coachmans dinner & pancake house in downtown salt lake for lunch is like peering into my past, circa 1986. back then, i was a punk-ass line-cook at the provo location, a restaurant owned by kind russians, waited by saucy female staff and food prepared by even more sauced cooks (which helped make it run like a well-oiled machine).

pretty sure the provo location has changed menus, owners and clientele several times over the years. thank heavens salt lake hasn't changed a thing. right down the wait staff.

certainly the decor hasn't changed in 23 years. there's still the red-crushed, total kitch velvety motif, which only adds to the true down-home, americana diner and cafe feel. and of course, the menu hasn't changed in two decades.

nor has the clientele. check your pretension at the door, please. and that's a good thing. there are suit and ties, cute blue-haired couples with their favorite booth, guys in flannel swilling cups of joe, and the occasional 'neck couple grinding with matching camo trucker hats. again, all good.

so is the food, to get back on topic. coachmans has always been about great, comfort food meals with decent portions and value-priced. breakfast is the hit of the day, any time of day. lunch is what you would expect. and hell, they are the only place i know of that touts TROUT in all caps outside along 1300 south. and CHOPS, too.

while my mates went the breakfast route i went with, of course, the coachmans special. why is it special? who else serves a pastrami sandwich with one-thousand island dressing? no one, that's who. not 1,000; it's one-thousand. big difference.

the rosette roll, the dressing, the fresh tomato and the pastrami all come together in the tried-and-true familiar taste of coachmans. served with fries, this is a great lunch.

breakfast looked awesome, as well. i admit i nearly had regrets not going with the others and the heart-healthy slabs of bacon. and shortstacks. and syrup. wow.

our server was stellar (we never got her name — maybe stella?). i lost count of how many times she refilled our coffee, but safe to say i never saw a half-empty cup the entire hour we were there. and the food also came quickly for a table of seven dudes.

the old adage is true: the more things change ... oh wait, one thing has changed. the cigarette machines up front in the lobby now vend wrigley's, snickers and tic-tacs. who'da thunk.

oh, and bill and nada's was also mentioned at lunch. must've been the environs.

man-up possibilities: 10 (bacon; large portions)

food quality: 8.5

fizz-o-meter of coke: i had coffee. it was really good.

service: 11

overall: 9.5

quotes o' day (the extended, remix, 12" version):

we should blog the rescue mission lunch.

did he weave his own seat belts out of twine?

there should be a class on how to cheat. tiger would pay for that.

that was a long time ago. you were 8, i think.

can i grab you guys some tasty beverages?

everyone's setting up their friday night at the escort service there.

i'm not the one eating it, just as long you're the one satisfied.

i got kicked out of spencer's gifts when i was 9.

i thought you said camel.

it's made from the ends of the roasts ... and old dirty mop heads.

she'll do 'em if they're local ... what about in-n-out?

ah, the old in-and-out.

brady doesn't need to know what a computer is.

does that do square root?

we're getting kicked out.

— big.red

Is that Acme on your face?

With the recent addition of In and Out Burger to the Salt Lake City market, the GPaK was craving a burger this week. We seriously considered taking a bus to Draper to commemorate the occasion, but we then realized we'd have to take the entire afternoon off in order to make it happen. From location (not near downtown) to too many patrons on opening week, we just knew there was another option out there that we've yet to review.

Enter Acme Burger Company. The GPaK visited Acme some time ago, but has yet to pay a visit under the current rule system of "have we blogged about it yet?" So after our morning donuts... the highlight of every Friday morning, the decision was made.

Acme is on the higher end of burger joints. And past visits have shown that higher end also equated to slower delivery of the goods. Not today.

The mojo has been good to us with regards to parking the past few weeks. After tempting the parking gods and landing on a broken meter — that means you can't put money in it, but also can't/shouldn't get a ticket — we took our seats inside Acme at about 12:36 p.m.

Our order was in about 12:44, and after a visit to the restroom — I always have to check these out and the hot water is in ample supply (a good thing for you and your food preparer), we had our food in front of us about 12:55.

I selected the classic burger, prepared medium and accompanied the juicy sandwich with the best sweet potato fries I've ever had. The bun was toasted, the dressings fresh and chasing it with the usual water made for about the most satisfying meal since Smash Burger, back when Brady was high on sudafed. The crispy fries were covered with just the right amount of sugar to give a sweet and salty taste that would do battle with just about anything.

We deposited ourselves into Brady's ride at 1:22 and couldn't believe how fast we'd just eaten at a sit-down restaurant where your burger is not prepared under a heat lamp.

The lowlight of the outing was a wet willy given to me by the Nut (GPaK calls him this) about the time we arrived back at the office. Fortunately the office bathrooms have warm water and I was able to cleanse my ears properly. We know who to blame when I contract some disease.

Man-up possibilities: 10
Food quality: 9.5
Water: watery
Service: 9.5
Overall: 9.5

—SuperScrunch

In an effort to approve upon my kryptonite (scary and unused words), I give you SuperScrunch's Word of the Week:

Rejoinder (ri-join-der)
–noun

1.	an answer to a reply; response.

2.	Law. a defendant's answer to a plaintiff's replication.

Quotes of the day:
Ladies go first. Ladies plural.
I don't know what they were doing, but they bruised the hell out of that puppy.
If you're gonna do it, do it like a man.
Vocabulary is your Kryptonite.
Chuck distracted me by licking his plate.
This morning for breakfast, I had a bowl of lard.
Sorry. I live in a house full of women. I'm used to taking whatever I want.
I'm anti-yam.
It could be a baby for all I know.
That was an old man burp.
El Gigante tramples tiny opponent.